The 3 Words That Can KILL Your Potential
Posted on 05. May, 2010 by Matthew Toren in Entrepreneurship, Personal Development
We hear them all the time. They’re common words, and many have their usefulness when used right. On the other hand, most are used in a disempowering, negative way most often, and some should never be used at all. If you want to boost your potential and change your life for the better, work to eliminate the disempowering forms of these words from your vocabulary.
But – You hear this word everywhere, including a lot from entrepreneurs. Proof can be found in the comments of this or any other blog, where you’ll see things like, “Great post, but…,” or “You make some good points, but….” Unfortunately, you also hear “but” a lot when you’re telling your plans and ideas to others, and it can be discouraging. The last thing anyone wants to hear is that something they want to do or that they did is good – BUT. And it usually comes from people whose opinions are important to you (friends, family, etc.), but who really don’t know what they’re talking about. In other cases, we say it to ourselves – “I would start a business, but….” In all these cases, the word “but” is being used to focus on the negative. It’s negating the words before “but” and putting the focus on the negativity that comes after. There’s nothing wrong with not agreeing with something, and it’s important to look at all angles, so different opinions and viewpoints can be valuable. These can be addressed in a better way though. How about, “I want to start a business, and I have this challenge, so let me figure out a way to make it happen” or, “That’s a great idea. Do you know how you’ll handle…?” These phrases get the thought process started rather than squashing it. There is a good time to use “but”, and that’s when you intend to downplay the first part of your statement: “It will be a challenge, but I know I can do it!” Oh, and if you think “however” is an acceptable alternative, think again. It’s just a “but” in a tuxedo.
Should have – Ok, this is actually a two-word phrase. The point is, it’s perhaps the most pointless phrase anyone can ever utter. While it’s important to learn from the past, this phrase is filled with negativity, and until someone makes time travel possible, it serves no purpose, other than to point out a mistake. Turn this around by focusing on the future. Instead of saying, “You should have…” change it to, “Next time, try this….” This simple shift changes the focus from negativity to possibility and helpfulness.
Can’t – Few words, if any, are more disempowering than the word “can’t.” It’s so final. When you say “can’t” you’re saying that something is literally impossible. The thing is, that’s almost never really the case. You might be up against a very difficult situation, and your challenges might seem insurmountable, but that doesn’t mean something can’t be done. It just means it’s going to be very difficult. And because of the level of difficulty, sometimes it makes sense to choose not to follow through with something or to start it in the first place. Entrepreneurs frequently evaluate a situation and make a decision not to proceed. This is often a prudent decision, and it shows maturity and professionalism, whereas simply saying it can’t be done is an excuse and not to be taken seriously. So rather than telling yourself you can’t do something, think in terms of what it would take to make it happen, and then evaluate whether you want to proceed, and make a decision based on the facts.
The language you use really does matter. Whether it’s internal talk or when you’re speaking to others, words have an affect on your thoughts, therefore your emotions, and therefore your actions. So choose words well and eliminate those that don’t serve to keep your potential intact.
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18 Responses to “The 3 Words That Can KILL Your Potential”
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MomAgain@40
05. May, 2010
I am eliminating these three words from my vocabulary. Thanks! Got me thinking…
Komodo Dragon
05. May, 2010
Speaking of the word “but”, I had a teacher in high school, would try to teach me to not use the word “but” like you are saying as it is a negative word. He would try to tell to try and say a sentence without using the word but, and if you can’t you might as well not say it.
Karthick
05. May, 2010
Second point is very good point. We can change the phrase “should have” to “next time try this”, to make the argument in a positive way. I agree.
Felicia
05. May, 2010
I KNEW “should” would be on this list! Thanks for the motivating reminder about the power of self-talk & vocabulary.
David Walker
05. May, 2010
One of the phrase’s my father used to use repeatedly throughout my childhood was “there is no such word as can’t” as I inevitably looked to take the easy way out and quit!
It has served me well over the years as I have grown my online business.
David
Blog Tips
05. May, 2010
Three words I like a lot right now: Sacrifice + Action = Success
Stop making excuses and take action, that is how you can be successful and it is something I talk about extensively in my new eBook.
Laptop Briefcases
05. May, 2010
It is amazing how much of an effect word choice can have on our potential. It is one of those things that most people do not stop to think about. Some people are just naturally pessimists and it really hurts their potential.
Local Internet Marketing
05. May, 2010
I read a tip a few years ago that I try to apply. Whenever you’re going to say ‘but’, find a way to rephrase the sentence using the word ‘and’ instead.
It can be a challenge, but it’s always possible, and always a better way to say it. Instead of negating the initial good point to the sentence, you build on it and offer encouragement for the improvement to come. You make the change seem easy, and remind them they’ve already accomplished a good part of the goal.
-Eric
Tyler
05. May, 2010
I was expecting the word “No” on there but I guess it wouldn’t fit into the underlying message.
Samantha Milner
05. May, 2010
Hi guys,
Ok. I’m guilty for using the word “but”. So now I’m going to try and be careful about using that word. Thanks for sharing.
Kind regards,
Sam
X
Kelvin Forex Indicator
05. May, 2010
Indeed having a positive mindset can be a great force of success for our life. If you are constantly using those negative words, you are actually having a negative mindset that is hindering you from your success.
Credit Girl
06. May, 2010
These words carry major negative connotations! No bosses would like to hear those excuses either!
Wealth Creation
07. May, 2010
I am not that conscious in my words either written or spoken. hhmmnn.. upon reading this article, I might watch my words a little.. nice article!
Legitimate Work From Home Jobs
09. May, 2010
This is an inspirational post, makes me think of what I say and how I say it. All three of these words relate to negativity, which is damaging in any scenario. It pays to pick your words carefully, and instill positivity.
SJL Web Design
09. May, 2010
Thanks for the great tips Matthew. I think It’s really important to think about the words you are using when speaking to clients, most people tend to ignore the negative impression that words like “can’t” can leave.
Game Critic
11. May, 2010
Choosing the right set of words while interacting during any situation is the best way to improving your communication skills
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09. Nov, 2010
I was expecting the word “No” on there but I guess it wouldn’t fit into the underlying message.
Christian McGuire
18. Nov, 2010
Such a compelling article, your style is straight to the point. I have been hearing “should have” in my household a lot lately and this article truly helped me convey my thoughts to my family regarding this problem. Educe da Word Brudda :)